Monday, September 09, 2013

The Velvet Rope: Ways To Recover From A Divorce

All praise and thanks belongs to Allaah. Lord and Creator of all the worlds. May Allaah bestow His peace & mercy upon the Prophet, his family, his companions, and on all of those who follow them in truth until The Last Day. Aameen

As salaamu alaykunna!

Today is The Velvet Rope.......a day where it's all about our own personal self development, mental & emotional growth. One of my favorite genres when hosting here at MP. 

Today's topic is "Ways To Recover From A Divorce." probably had one, two, or three of them. Perhaps you never been divorce but you know someone who has been through it.

Divorce is not a favorable action....but it happens, even to the best of us.

1. Use Your Time

What are some things you've done to cause your marriage to end? How can you avoid bringing baggage into the next relationship? Use this time to better yourself and work on things that may have been a fitnah in your marriage.

"In bad relationships, we often tend to fall into patterns of trying to fit into the relationship instead of considering what our own purpose might be. Now that you're out of the relationship, use the time to re-identify and reshape who you are. Use your emotional energy to ask some of the big questions: What do you want to be? What do you want to do?"

2. Make Dua'aa Often & Rely on Allaah

Some divorces are so overwhelming, disturbing, stressing and you may feel like you can't move forward. Or perhaps you may be afraid to start a new relationship.

Ask Allaah for help.  Rely solely on Allaah. 

And He says: “And whoever is dutiful to Allaah, He makes a way out for him (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from places he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allaah, He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allaah has set a measure for all things.” [Surah At-Talaaq: 2-3] 

And He says: “And whoever is dutiful to Allaah, He will make his matter easy for him. That is the Command of Allaah, which He has sent down to you. And whoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will expiate from him his sins and enlarge his reward.” [Surah At-Talaaq: 4-5] 

3. Accept the Qadar

I think one of the hardest things is accepting that the divorce actually happen.

I believe that once you accept the Qadar it makes things a little easier to recover from. Knowing that everything our Lord decrees is just and that Allaah is in control of all affairs...brings about a sanity at an insane time.

4. Make time to take care of yourself

Going through a divorce is a draining process. Use this time to take care of your mental, emotional and spiritual well being. It is very important to keep moving forward, even though you may feel at a lost or stand still.

Remember to take care of yourself.

5. Be honest, be raw, and question yourself!

Some questions to ask yourself:

"1. Step back and look at the big picture. How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?

2. Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?

3. Think about how you react stress and deal with conflict and insecurities. Could you act in a more constructive way?

4. Consider whether or not you accept other people the way they are, not the way they could or “should” be.

5. Examine your negative feelings as a starting point for change. Are you in control of your feelings, or are they in control of you?

You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time."

1 comment:

  1. Its nice to read encouragement to look forward there are communities that expect females to sit idle if it went bad a second time, expecting them to live alone the rest of there lives instead of moving on and looking to a future.
    In these communities men marry without issue but women are leaned upon because they consider having a right to a good marriage is not abnormal.
    Also many men will not marry divorced women, as its frowned upon.


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