Tuesday, October 29, 2013

For The Betterment Of Self: Self-Defeating/Self-Sabotaging Behavior (Recognizing The Signs) Part 1

All praise and thanks belongs to Allaah. Lord and Creator of all the worlds. May Allaah bestow His peace & mercy upon the Prophet, his family, his companions, and on all of those who follow them in truth until The Last Day. Aameen

As salaamu alaykunna

So, have you ever wanted to do something, I mean really wanted to do something but didn't try????

How many times have you had a great idea but you didn't move on it?

What makes you stop yourself from going pass go?

Today we are talking about Self-Defeating/Self-Sabotaging Behavior In shaa Allaah

Defining Self Defeating Behavior:
Self-defeating behavior is the idea that sometimes people knowingly do things that will cause them to fail or bring them trouble. It is defined as “any deliberate or intentional behavior that has clear, definitely or probably negative effects on the self or on the self’s projects” (Scher & Baumeister 1988). 

Common self-defeating behavior patterns (in no particular order)
  • Procrastination
  • Blaming others instead of accepting responsibility for mistakes
  • Not listening
  • People pleasing
  • Always being right
  • Making excuses, major and minor, for failure to (for example), complete a project, show up on time, stop at the store as promised
  • Needing to be perfect (e.g., obsessing so long over the exact right words in your report that it's late)
  • Blowing things out of proportion to the reality of the situation
  • Holding grudges forever, especially over minor infractions, and bringing them up in arguments ("You always...")
  • Frequent self-sacrifice, and then feeling sorry for yourself that you never get to have fun
  • Being a victim
  • Being attracted again and again to people who will mistreat you even though they seem "different" at first
  • Being uninterested in or not attracted to people who treat you well
  • Not allowing yourself pleasurable experiences or being drawn to situations in which you suffer
  • Rejecting help or refusing to ask for it
  • Being unwilling or afraid to make a career change or change within your career that would be beneficial

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