Thursday, June 12, 2014

The Blissful Wives Club: When Your Husband Disappoints You


Bismillaah

"All praise and thanks belongs to Allaah. Lord & Creator of all the worlds. May Allaah bestow His peace & mercy upon the Prophet, his family, his companions, and on all of those who follow them in truth until The Last Day" Aameen


As salaamu alaykunna!


Disappointments are a typical part of life - marriage included. It's not everyday that your partner will meet your expectations. 
Nor will you often meet your partner expectations.
Sometimes its this realization that people do not know how to handle. Welcome to Mariam Poppins. Today I will be talking about what to do when your husband disappoints you.
We've all been there before, right? 

Whether its something small as forgetting one of your  items from the grocery store or something big as putting you down and reminding you of your past faults.
Sometimes the disappointment can cause a spouse to be stagnant.
Nobody wants to try their best anymore because nobody wants to be disappointed.
I mean really, who likes disappointment?
Not I.

And surely not you.
But hey it happens!
Hang ups, let downs and low points happens to all of us, even to the best of us. 
Here are some things you can do when your husband disappoints you:

1. Be patient

It is reported that ‘Alî b. Abî Tâlib – Allâh be pleased with him – said, “The servant [of Allâh] should not fear except his sins, and should not hope except in his Lord. The ignorant should not be ashamed to ask, and the knowledgeable should not be ashamed to say – if he does not know something – ‘Allâh knows best.’ Patience (al-sabr) to faith (Al-Îmân) is like the head to the rest of the body: if the head is cut off, the body will rot. And one who has no patience, has no faith.”
Al-Baihaqî, Shu’ab Al-Îmân, Vol.12 p195.

Source: http://www.sayingsofthesalaf.net/topic/patience/page/2/#ixzz34TocOeSu


I know this is probably a hard thing to do. Especially if the disappointment is hurtful. But as believers we should push forward with patience.

We often cry out that people need to be patient, but do we know what it really means?
What does it mean to be patient?

pa·tient

ˈpāSHənt/

adjective

  1. 1.
    able t
    o accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
  2. "be patient, your time will come"

 2. Accept it and move forward

Again easier said then done. But we have to realize that holding on to every little issue or setback is unhealthy and its a spoiler to a good marriage.

Sometimes you have to take one for the team and move forward, asking Allaah to make things easier on you and bestow upon you patience.

3. Don't be so quick to argue and belittle him

Even if he made a mistake or hurt you. Be quick to calm and slow to anger. Apply the Sunnah in this manner when it comes to dealing with your anger and your hurt.  Arguing and belittling him does not solve any problems, on the contrary they can create more problems for you in the future. 


Upon the authority of Imaam Al Awzaa’ee who said: Sulaimaan Ibn Daawood alaihis Salaam said:

“If speech was made of silver, then silence would be golden!”

4. Spend time reflecting and give the benefit of the doubt


If the disappoints are frequent and often hurtful. It's time to step back and reflect.


What are my expectations of my husband?
Are my expectations high?
Are my expectations realistic?
Do my expectations go with my husbands?

Sometimes we should not react but reflect. 8 times out of 10 there is a reason for the disappointments. Think about it before you speak about it.

Also give him the benefit of the doubt. It seems like a rare thing to do - but we have to remember not everyone in the world has malicious intentions.

But rather most people just genuinely make mistakes.

What are your thoughts? Comment below with some tips you have for handling disappointments.


1 comment:

  1. Assalamualakum ukhti,
    A really nice post! it felt like you were talking to me. will follow your advice InshaaAllah.
    may Allah reward you abundantly.

    ReplyDelete

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