It is not surprising to hear women say: "I hate homemaking." or "I find homemaking to be rather bland and boring." It's not crazy to hear that. In fact, it is pretty commonplace for most women.
We have some choices to make when it comes to how we feel about homemaking. We can choose to be angry, upset and resentful when it comes to the cleaning, laundry, taking care of the children, and cooking, or we can choose to feel something else.
We can choose to accept the role we have been created for and find the joy from within.
It’s not easy, and most of the time it goes against just about everything inside of us, but with some attitude, adjustments we can start viewing our homemaking career as a part of pleasing Allaah.
One of the problems that women who dislike homemaking or can't find happiness with it is that they are looking for an external rewards, something they can hold in their hand and will make them feel like that whatever they have done was worth it at the end. We go to work at a job we like or may not like because we receive an external benefit. We get a paycheck and this check pays our bills. In homemaking, you have to do your job and you do not get external rewards all the time. Sometimes you will barely get a thank you!
There is a problem inside of us if we are not happy. The problem also has something to do with our intentions and remembering our purpose. In the article, I wrote about "what's your why?" I shared a thought from a motivational speaker about knowing your why. Your why has to be so big that it motivates you and pushes you to keep moving forward and not giving up.
One of the things we need to remember is that we have to make our intentions. "As for the well-known hadeeth of Abee Hurairah, may Allaah be pleased with him that says, 'Every important matter which is not begun with the name of Allaah is devoid of good." (this hadith was declared weak by al-Albaani)
Remembering our Lord before we do anything is surely beneficial and a way to soften our hearts to have more of a love for homemaking.
Ok, did you guys make your intentions? Let's not focus on what happened yesterday, or how much you dislike the chores of today. We are starting over.
According to Helen Andelin of Fascinating Womanhood:
"An essential quality is her ability to find joy and satisfaction in her work. This satisfaction comes as a result of her attitude about her work, her control of her life, and her diligence in performing her work."
If you can't find happiness in homemaking then I recommend you:
1. Make du'aa
I know it sounds cliche but it is a serious fact that Allaah is in control of everything and it would only make sense to go to The One who created you and everything and ask for help. Allaah has the ability to change any situation. So go to Allaah and ask for guidance and help. Ask Allaah to make it easy for you to do your task because you just want to please Him.
2. Understand your purpose - know your why
If your reason for doing anything isn't big then you'll continue to feel negative about homemaking. Your why has to be bigger than how you feel. Why are you a homemaker? What is your purpose? What are your goals? It is time to go back and sit in the quiet and relearn your why.
Are you focusing on things that truly matter?
In my quiet time I began to list out my priorities, the things that mattered:
Make the household a place where everyone can worship, without focusing on household issues
Raising children who love homemaking
Making my husband happy to be in our home
Creating a haven in home
When I sat down and was honest with myself about how my priorities and how I was applying my 'why' in my everyday life, things were definitely not in synch.
3. Serving should feel like a blessing and not an obligation
Everyone isn't blessed to have a home or a family. We should feel blessed to be able to take care of our home and raise beautiful children that love The Creator and provide a healthy, Islaamic environment. It is a blessing to have such a big responsibility. Once we change our mindset then it brings us closer to finding happiness.
4. Change your mindset
When you are doing your chores and you find yourself starting to complain. Shut it down. For example, you have tons of laundry to do and not enough time (so you think). When you find yourself feeling negative or wanting to complain, stop the thought in its tracks.
Instead of complaining say: "Al Hamdulillaah I have the opportunity to provide my family with clean clothes. Allaah loves cleanliness."
or if you find yourself complaining about making meals, change your mindset.
"I'm so thankful to Allaah that I can provide a healthy and nutritious meal for my loved ones. I pray it gives them substance they need to proceed forth into the world and make them healthy and focused on pleasing their Lord."
Change your mindset and find your happiness within.
How do you find happiness with homemaking?
Homemaker, Wife, Mother, Blogger, Planner Enthusiast and Self Care Advocate