Marriage is a beautiful institution. Al Hamdulillaah it has its benefits.
Yet marriage is work! Everyone has to put in an effort to match each other's work.
No marriage is perfect, there will be ups and downs. Ins and outs. Tears & smiles. To keep the marriage healthy and strong there are at least 10 habits that healthy couples have.
What are the 10 habits of healthy couples you ask?
1. They play with each other.
Na'am. All work and no play make marriage....ummm kinda boring!
Play with your spouse and enjoy each other's laugh and giggles.
"The man he must have time when he is light hearted with his wife, playing with her and showing aspects of love to his wife. As Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) ate and drank from the same place as his wife. This showing of love and closeness brings about closeness and love.
The Prophet Muhammed (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) would even race with Ayesha (radiallaahu anha) he would tell the companions to move on. This is the practice and guidance of the Prophet of Allaah. So you must do this. Not like nowadays people would make fun out of such a way, but you must train yourself to become like this. We see how Prophet Muhammed (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) race Ayesha (radiallaahu anha) one time and she beat him, and how another time he raced her and as she had put on more flesh he beat her.
2. They encourage each other to do good and forbid wrong.
Healthy couples do not push each other to do something that is wrong. Unhealthy couples are always encouraging the wrong and indulging in it themselves.
Healthy couples are always striving to do right, and encourage their spouse to do the same.
It is reported that Ya’lā b. ‘Ubayd said, “We entered upon Ibn Sūqah, who said: ‘O nephew, let me relate to you something that will hopefully benefit you; for it benefited me. ‘Atā b. Abī Rabāh once said to us:’”
Those before you used to consider idle talk to be anything other than the Book of Allāh, or the enjoining of good, or the forbidding of evil, or speaking for the sake of your basic living needs. Do you deny that there are recording angels appointed over you? Sitting on your right and you're left? Never is a word said except there is an observer prepared to record? Are you not afraid (ashamed) that your record of words and deeds be spread open only to discover that there is nothing of the hereafter in it?
Al-Dhahabī, Siyar A’lām Al-Nubalā` 5:86
3. They study together
Seeking ilm and wanting to grow for the pleasure of Allaah is something every healthy couple does. The opposite of this is a couple that only wants use their desires to determine where their life will take them.
This is extremely unhealthy.
“Seek knowledge, because seeking it for the sake of Allah is a worship. And knowing it makes you more God-fearing; and searching for it is jihad, teaching it to those who do not know is charity, reviewing and learning it more is like tasbeeh. Through knowledge Allah will be known and worshipped. With the knowledge Allah will elevate people and make them leaders and imams, who will in turn guide other people.”[Fatawa Ibn Taymiyya vol.10, p.39]
“Whoever treads on a path in search of Islamic knowledge, Allah will ease the way to Paradise for him. The angels will lower their wings, pleased with this seeker of knowledge, and everyone in the heavens and on earth will ask forgiveness for the knowledgeable person, even the fish in the deepest of waters will ask for his forgiveness” [Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Tirmidhi # 2835-sahih hadith]
4. They give each other space when it's time to
There is a healthy balance between being in someone's face and giving someone their space!
"Relationships are meant to be fun, loving and mutually satisfying. If yours is veering toward "co-dependent" or "possessive," it's time to step back and make a little space, for yourself and your mate. Everyone needs the space to grow and to be themselves. Expanding your horizons and having some separate time to pursue individual interests can help you flourish as a couple. Knowing how much space you need and talking it through will alleviate resentment and help you decide what is appropriate and workable for your situation."
5. Healthy couples are mindful of the roles they each party plays
Everyone knows their role.
Everyone knows their place.
There is no fear of unhealthy behaviors such as the man acting like a woman and the woman acting like a man.
"It is a duty upon all of us to fulfill our roles to the best of our ability in order to attain success in this life and for the Hereafter. The following are just a few hadeeth of the blessed Prophet Muhammad (peace and prayers be upon him), highlighting the position of women in their household, and the duty upon them in serving their husbands with regard to his rights upon her. Inshallah, with the correct intention in mind, fulfillment of this role and the striving to perfect her character according to the Quraan, Sunnah, and the way of the Pious Predecessors, it will only cause her to attain the pleasure of her Creator, and bring her closer to attaining Jannah.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him said):
"Every soul from the children of Aadam is a master; so the man is the master of his family, and the woman is the mistress of her household."
6. They forgive each other and do not beat each other up over errors & mistakes
The sign of an unhealthy couple is that spend time bothering each other about past issues. Never forgiving and always reminding someone of the wrong they have caused.
And the Prophet عليه السلام said, educating/disciplining us, ‘…and don’t look for the other’s faults and don’t spy, and don’t hate each other, and don’t desert [cut your relations with] one another. O Allaah’s slaves, be brothers as Allaah the Blessed and Most High ordered you to,’ i.e., in His Saying, the Most High, ‘And hold firmly to the rope of Allaah all together and do not become divided.’ Aali-Imraan 3:103`
7. They do not argue in front of the children or yell at each other
Boy oh boy I have had the unfortunate chance to witness parents yelling while they children looked onward. It's not healthy and it's irresponsible of the parent to yell and be disrespectful to each other and front of their children.
This is not good adhab and its unhealthy behavior.
Indeed raising of the wife’s voice towards her husband is from evil manners, and that is because he is her protector and he takes care of her.*
Therefore it is a must that she respects him and addresses him with manners. Because that is more likely to create affection between them and enables friendship and love to remain between them. Likewise the husband must also treat her kindly.
So good manners and kind treatment is mutual, Allah the Most High said:
…And treat them kindly; then if you hate them, it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it.
Soorah An-Nisaa’ Verse 19
Fataawa Noor alad Darb li ibn Uthaymeen
8. Everyone respects each other
Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful relationships. The loss of mutual respect can destroy a marriage quickly, or more often, lead to a painful, stressful and unhappy life for a couple. While this notion appears common sensical, there is also a significant body of research (by John Gottman, Ph.D. and his colleagues) that strongly supports this view.
9. They listen to each other
Every person in a relationship wants to be heard.
"Effective communication skills in a marriage are vital to its success. Herbert G. Lingren, a family scientist with the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cooperative Extension, states that, "Marriages are created, maintained and/or destroyed through effective communication." Empathy, trust and understanding are just a few of the many benefits of using listening skills within a marriage."
10. They find ways to grow together and not apart
Healthy couples spend their time finding ways to bring the hearts closer. Whether it's doing a hobby together, reading together or just being together - it's about growing together and growing closer.
"Try to spend quality time together that will enhance your closeness.
In addition to quantity time it is also important to have quality time. When you spend special time together with your spouse, try to do something that is interactive and fun for you both..."
Quotes taken from:
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