In These Empty Arms… by Holly Garza

“The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord”

Recently a beautiful friend of mine, Holly. Passed away. May Allaah make her grave spacious, forgive her for her sins and grant her His highest level of Jannah Aameen.

Holly was a close friend and companion to many. We are heartbroken that she is no longer with us. I will miss her immensely and I hope we see each other again in Paradise Aameen. 
She was a writer here at Mariam Poppins when we had a magazine. She also wrote post on our Facebook page and help me with so many things in my life. ماشاء الله 

This is the article she wrote years back….

In these empty arms…

She sipped on her coffee, the sad-flat look
in her eyes that now replaced the sparkle she once had--gone. Looking at me, she calmly and quietly asked "but when does it get easier?"
*sigh*
Shall I tell her you learn to laugh through the knot in your throat? Shall I tell her you learn to live again with this new you? Shall I tell her she'll never again walk past certain aisles in stores and be the same? No, it sounds cynical, too hard to bear all that at once. I mean I remember the first year.
*sigh* There is some benefit in this, I mean a lot of benefit really, but it still hurts. It can bring us closer to Allah. The All Merciful.

​I put my food down and swallowed what I had, and gave her-what I'm sure, was a weak smile. We were in a public restaurant and a couple of mus-limahs crying was all I needed to fuel more rumors of how miserable and oppressed we all must be. I told her the truth. Not the initial, cynical-sounding truth; but the truth never the less. I will share it here with you.
"I'm not entirely sure if it becomes easier or we just grow accustomed to this pain and sorrow. I think we simply grow accustomed to the pain. I think Allah in His infinite Mercy, Love, and Power knows how much we can bear and grants us some relief on that sort of pain. To me learning Islamic knowledge, Allah's mercy, and His love for us has helped me immensely. However, there are other times when the pain is so sharp it feels as if her death just occurred. My 7 year old daughter has officially been dead eight years, it's a hard thing to know and live with.

​I'm not entirely sure if it becomes easier or we just grow accustomed to this pain and sorrow. I think we simply grow accustomed to the pain. I think Allah in His infinite Mercy, Love, and Power knows how much we can bear and grants us some relief on that sort of pain. To me learning Islamic knowledge, Allah's mercy, and His love for us has helped me immensely. -Holly Garza rahimahullaah

​I miss her terribly and other times I'm so grateful that she doesn't have to be tested in this world and that she was granted "a free pass" to Jenna which makes me want to work and learn really hard at Islam so that I can meet her there once again in-shaAllah. When your child dies, you literally have to learn to live again. You have to learn how to be tolerant to people who most of the time meaning well say inconsiderate things around you or to their children and you have to bypass the urge to yell at them, tell them off, force them to tears by telling them of your loss or worse... like I said you have to learn to live again. Losing a child to death teaches you many, many things amongst them fear and lib-eration. Fear because I am no longer afraid of the
"what if because it CAN happen. The absolute worse can and does happen, it happened. Liberation because it ripped the naive bandage from my eyes and showed me not to sweat "the small stuff." After losing your child, it's ALL small stuff. ALL OF IT.

As painful and hard as it sounds, no one is guaranteed any time in this world. No one is guaranteed to reach old age. Love yourself; forgive yourself for this. This is NOT because of you, forgive your-self, And not only on the surface." I warned. At this point both of our eyes were brimming with tears.."keep going, tell me more" she said barely above a whisper.
"I want you know that it's okay to walk away from what you're doing when the pain starts to engulf you and feel as if it WILL undoubtedly swallow vou whole." I reached across the table cradling her hands in mine and when she looked at me in the eyes I proceeded. "There is NOTHING you can do to change what happened. Blaming yourself and saying "if only" will just cause you further hurt.
You drowning in sorrow mamita, you drowning in sorrow will NOT bring her back.
It will not change what happened. You being alive, you inflicting more pain on yourself through Mommy guilt won't change a thing. Allah is oh so Mer-ciful!! Don't allow Shaytan to use this against you.
He uses our sorrow, depression, pictures, certain clothing, things, television and other "reminders" to drag us down. Come back to the perfect Oneness of Allah and His book and what His Messenger promised us. Allah is All Merciful and He has something FAR Better than this dunya prepared for us. Be nice to yourself. Remember it is OKAY to be sad sometimes. Remember your child will In-shaAllah be in Jannah, asking, begging Allah to bring you and let you in. Strive to get there, In-shaAllah. Learn Islam, use Islam, Use it to help you through those tough, hard to swallow for the knot in your throat moments. Let Islam be your Hope. The blessing is with our Lord and what an amazing blessing it will be In sha Allah!"

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Written by: Holly Garza ​rahimahullaah