How many times have you been on Facebook or at a sisters gathering and over hear a sister talking about her husband? She maybe laughing with her friends and she may make a subtle joke about her spouse, or you have some that will be very open and frank about their spouse in a manner that does not make their spouse look good.
Or perhaps you are not at a gathering and you are home. It's just you and your husband, and you decide that you can talk to him in any kind of manner, maybe because he made you upset that day. Or perhaps you no longer care about his interest due to loosing respect for him. Have you found yourself talking to him as if he was one of your children? Did you realize you was openly sighing when he starts talking or stating his views? How about those eyes, are you rolling them as he talks to you?
You may have your own reasons for why you do those things. I'm not here to judge you because I'm not in a position to judge anyone. However, I would like to remind myself and then you first a couple of things in this blog post.
First, would you like to go back to that place in time in yester-year where you had respect for your husband? Would you like to change your attitude and exhibit the beautiful quality of being a humble, Allaah fearing wife? If so then you may want to read on.
It's easy to lose to respect for your husband.
Maybe your husband has not kept his word.
Maybe he has taken another wife and disregarded your feelings.
Maybe he hasn't been the affectionate or caring individual due to his own reasons and concerns.
Loosing respect for your husband is a big problem in marriage. How can you be a good follower if you do not respect your leader?
If you don't respect your leader it makes it hard to appreciate their guidance and respect their authority.
I understand when you entered your marriage, you was not planning to lose respect. Who goes into a marriage thinking: "Hey I'm going to stop respecting this guy."? I doubt anyone has that in their mind when they enter a marriage.
Somewhere down the road, there was a change and don't be so surprise, it happens. Its what you do and how you handle it that makes the difference. If you are interested in gaining back respect that you lost for your husband here are some keys to getting it back In shaa Allaah.
A. Let It Go.
The key to gaining respect back is to let go of the things that you hold on to, that has caused you to stop having respect in the first place. Sometimes we hold on to certain things, that our husband is no longer in control of and can not go back in time to fix. We have to make peace with what was and look at the present baggage free.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.”
For some reason we hold on to the past as if we have control over going back in time and making the husband fix it. We don't have control over time and the past. But by the permission of Allaah we have control in moving forward and embracing the present.
“It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on.”
As important as it is to forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn to forgive our suppose wholeheartedly and move on.
“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”
B. Trust In Allaah Enough To Let Your Husband Lead.
It take a lot of effort to allow your husband to lead, especially if he made several mistakes. I'm assuming if you are still married to this man, then you see value in him as a husband. As long as he is your husband, then he has the role of the leader.
Letting the past go, and making amends with it, helps in allowing your husband to be the man he needs to be. Though it may make you nervous and in your heart you will have suspicion over their decision making skills, we must give them the benefit of the doubt and in the newness of starting over, do not allow ourselves to hold things over their head.
What you can do for him, is take a step back and pray to Allaah, that Allaah guides him in the right direction. At times we forget that we should call on Allaah and ask Him by His Names & Attributes to protect our spouses, and give them the sound mind they need to make beneficial decisions for not only himself but the entire family unit.
If you are having a hard time with this step, which most of us do, due to being hurt. I suggest you wake up in the night and pray to Allaah for yourself and for your family. Ask Allaah for guidance and show you the way to be a better wife and a good follower. And then ask Allaah to make your husband a good leader and to give the wisdom he needs to save himself and his family from the Hell-Fire.
C. Remember The Reasons In The Past That Made You Respect Him.
If you cannot think of anything currently, and you want to stay married to him and go back to respecting him, then remember the past. What are some of the things he did, back in the day that caused you to respect him?
Did he buy you something that you thought you could never have?
Was encouraging in some part of your life where you were dirt low?
Sit down and write a couple of things that he has done that made you respect him. Sometimes we go through so mark "issues" its easy to not remember the things he has done to earn your respect when you first got married.
I think it would be nice to sit down and over a nice meal, tell your husband: "Remember the time you.......I really loved that and it made me really respect you as a man."
Men too need to be build up........which leads me into D.
D. Accept Him As Man That Makes Mistakes.
"Build Him: No matter what the situation, have an unshakable faith in his better side. Express appreciation for his true worth and admiration for his masculinity. Let him know that you still believe in him and his ability."
Has your husband ever made a mistake, and you kept brining it up repeatedly? Us women can tend to sway towards the route of being self-righteous. Its so easy to be self-righteous when we don't make the same mistakes as our husband. Its easier to look down at someone when you don't share the same errors.
"One thing that makes it difficult to overlook a fault in a man is that his faults are different from yours. He may be disorganized and messy, whereas you may be neat and orderly. He may be forgetful and you may be alert. On the other hand, you may be critical whereas he is inclined to forgiving. You may be tardy and he may be prompt. Because your faults are different, you may focus on his and overlook your own. The next time you are troubled about your husband's faults, say to yourself, "he has this fault but he is better than me in other ways."
What are some keys that you can add to this list?
🌸Digital artist, children’s book illustrator, planner & journaling enthusiast 🌸