Polygynous Musings Tips #1: We are nothing alike

First, what does musing mean?

mus·ing
ˈmyo͞oziNG/Submit
noun
plural noun: musings
1.
a period of reflection or thought.

synonyms: meditation, thinking, contemplation, deliberation, pondering, reflection, rumination, introspection, daydreaming, reverie, dreaming, preoccupation, brooding; formal cogitation
​
I have had so many moments of musings when I was in polygyny.

WARNING/CAUTION/REMINDER: All musings listed are not related to me lol

I will be using the word "I" but it does not mean it is "self" related. I'm just using it to make it more "personal"

Polygynous Musings #1

She & I are nothing alike.

Situation:  I met her. I didn't meet her before they married. I've been nervous. Did she look anything like me? Was she more studious than me? I think it consumed me. So today.....we met. I went to the car, looked inside........and deeply exhaled. She and I are nothing alike.....and today I felt like how could I ever compare with her looks...

Well ladies, 9 times out of 10 your co-wife may not be anything like you.

Mentally, and Emotionally prepare yourself for this. Because it is a battle that affects the whole house if you do not handle it appropriately.

You: How can I ever compete......How do I manage to keep moving forward. Even though the negative thoughts consume me. It hurts so bad....I cry all the time. 

What's real: ...............*sighs*. It is not an unfamiliar place to be. And there is nothing you can do about how she looks........nothing at all. We have to be realistic, put our big girl khimar on so to say lol and accept what cannot change. And embrace more of who we are!
It's so important to remember that you have to have a healthy opinion and feeling of yourself.

It's not your co-wife's fault that you may feel bad. Because it all starts with you. You have to have an understanding of yourself.

Love yourself. Respect yourself. Accept yourself. 

So if you aren't doing all these things from the beginning. Then polygyny may be a tad bit harder than you want.

A lot of women, whether they are in polygyny or not. Do not know how to love themselves.

They never seen a positive example of self-love.

or they only love themselves, just because someone else loves them.

I will say the battle of fighting "She & I are nothing alike" syndrome can be difficult. You may be flying high one day, and you may backslide the next.

It's all a process. 

One that only Allaah knows how long it's going to take.

How you deal with it is very important.

Here are some tips you can do to better love yourself....because that is the root of the problem

A. There is nobody like you


Question: Why don't you count? Why do you allow yourself to believe you don't match up or you're not unique?

Take the time, to be honest with yourself, and write the answers down.

You are important, beautiful, and special. 

And keep saying it to yourself as if it's a daily affirmation. Because you'll say it so much, that one day you will believe it. Just like when we say all those negative things....we say it so much, we believe it. Try giving life to the opposite.

B. Take it back to Allaah

Sometimes you just have to beg Allaah to free you of these woes. Sometimes it feels like all of this can be so suffocating. And overwhelming ....you can always cry to Allaah. 


Get up in the night. Learn the best times to make duaa and take advantage of it. Also, call on Allaah using His wonderful Names & Attributes 

C. Avoid negative people

Avoid them like the flu!

"People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be."

D. Look to those beneath you

A good way to humble ourselves! When you start to think that you aren't pretty enough...remember Allaah has given you a mercy to look like you do. You could have been tasked with being blind, missing a limb, or something much drastic.

Thank Allaah, that He has blessed you, to be who you are, and look how you look. Because there is someone else in this world that wish they could look like you. And Allaah knows best.

E. Share yourself with others & give back

One way to help yourself - your inner self is to give back.

Life seems a bit more meaningful when you are making someone else life better

"Volunteer someplace in your community. 

If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about your own flaws. 

This will increase your self-esteem."

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